CORRESPONDENCES

DISTRIBUTION: www.buffygiles.com/efiction, GRB, ODD, TweedyBookGuy, the BG Zone, BGL, Britishmanfans. If you want it, color me flattered! Just let me know where and list me as the author!

***************

CONFIDENTIAL:
OFFICIAL PROPERTY OF THE WATCHER’S COUNCIL, SHIRE STR., COLINDALE, LONDON, NW9 5RA

Please note: Unauthorized distribution and viewing punishable by penalty of law and private enforcement.

Correspondence Code: 8439.83.4 – Concerning active assignments

February 20, 1997

ATTN: Councilman Quentin Travers

RE: Replacement for Bonded Field Watcher M. Merrick for Assignment to Slayer E. A. Summers

Report Enclosed

--------------------------------------------------------

Quentin,

It is with a heavy heart that I performed the search for a replacement for our Merrick. He was a personal friend of mine and of yours as well I believe. Alas, the world continues to turn without him, just as it always has done and just as it will very likely continue to do for quite some time if the current Slayer lives up to her reports—Merrick’s reports, actually.

According to him she is something quite special indeed, which, given the troubled times, I can only hope is true. Given her role in his death, I can’t help but have a few reservations, however. I have to admit that it worries me quite a bit that she’s had so very little training and skimming Merrick’s journals it appears that he was unable to impart much on her either, making the task much more difficult for his replacement—which is of course the purpose of this report, so I suppose I’ll get down to it.

Now Quentin, I want you to sit down for a moment and brace yourself for a bit of a shock—one you won’t much care for, I’ll wager. Anyway, the necessary spells have been said and mumbo jumbo performed on our end, and it seems our Ms. Summers is a rather special case in that we weren’t exactly inundated with suitable candidates with which it appeared she was likely to re-establish the Bond. Of course, this may have something to do with her lack of formal training and, of course, secondary Bondings are always more difficult to begin with—we have only to look back on the Arissa debacle to recall that.

However, for better or worse, there was one among us with whom her pattern correlated quite intensely. To be quite honest, I don’t think I’ve seen a match quite so strong for quite some time, which, under normal circumstances would be a cause for quite a bit of excitement. Unfortunately, the one with whom she correlates so well is our very own Mr. Rupert Giles.

Now straighten up, Quentin, and wipe that grimace off your face. I’ve seen it and it’s quite unbecoming on you.

Still, I have to agree with your concern over this little quandary we’ve ended up in. I remember, perhaps even better than you, the trouble the man caused us when he attempted to sever himself and the state he was in when he finally decided to drag himself back and buck up to the facts of lady fate. I know at the time there were those who wondered if he hadn’t tainted himself so severely that he might never be able to fully reintegrate. Even now, the thought of letting him anywhere near a Slayer, much less trying to Bond him to one, inflicts a small terror in the logical part of my mind!

I had to do a little soul searching myself over this one; to be completely truthful, I nearly didn’t even suggest it. Then I found I had to force myself to see the reality of the matter. The fact is that the world is once again entering into a time of turmoil and we need to do everything we can to prepare against it. I have trouble believing this lost Slayer of ours has managed to even survive this long, much less that she might continue to fulfill the role much longer. However, her triumph over Lothos is…well, it’s simply astounding to me, anyway. Perhaps she really might be as special as Merrick believed. If so, then we simply cannot deny her the chance that such a strong Bond might represent, even if it does mean taking a chance on Rupert.

I have to admit that I was surprised when I looked into his file. While at the Council for training it seems he managed to stay relatively unnoticed—yet, his actual performance in everything from Weapons to Prophesies is absolutely astounding. By the way, it should disconcert you a bit to know that he speaks even more languages than you, Quentin. Quite frankly, if he weren’t such a black sheep I’m rather certain he’d be fairly high up in the administration of our little organization by now, and ignoring his past, I can’t see any reason, save for lack of specific preparation in that area, why he wouldn’t be perfectly capable of training our Slayer.

His latest career at the Museum is rather a credit to him as well, especially considering some of the artifacts he’s managed to recover for us and keep from the public hands. Certainly it appears he did do what he could to redeem himself and it really might be that he has left that past of his behind. We shall have to hope, I suppose.

So there you are. I know you’re not happy with the results, but I’ve done as you asked and found you your replacement Watcher. I know you’d like a longer list from which to choose—and I did include those with which there was even the slightest hint of a weak connection—but in good conscience I really must urge you to consider this match. I am being quite honest about the astounding possibilities hinted at by the probes, and I’ve attached what information I can about the results of the spell so you can see for yourself.

As much as I find myself worrying about what could happen if we let Rupert serve us in this capacity, in the end, I’m more afraid of what might happen if we don’t. You’ve always trusted me in the past, and I urge you to do so now. I just have a feeling about this one, and I hope you’ll agree. If not, look over the other list carefully, as I can’t say that I can find any of them that really jump out at me.

Either way, rumors have it that the Slayer is moving by some quirk of destiny to the site of some new mystical convergence that is forming in a small town known as Sunnydale near her current post in California. Time may very well be of the essence in the matter of finding her a new Watcher, and, although you know where I’d like you to turn, I’ll support your decision either way.

Your Faithful Advisor as Always,

Terrance Polgrant, Master Scryer

--------------------------------------------------------

Quentin sighed as he read the letter again. Bloody Polgrant knew him too damn well. Still, if the connection was even half as strong as the information indicated…he understood why the Scryer had gone through with the recommendation.

Once more before making the final decision, he allowed himself to scan the short list of names that had been given as alternates—Ulsom, Collins, Barrows, Anderson, Wyndham-Pryce—and had to agree. They were all young, inexperienced, most not even done with their primary training. In light of the choices, Rupert’s file looked like a virtual gem if you once turned the page past the enormous black mark.

Sucking at his teeth and tapping a pen on the desk he finally forced himself to pick up the phone and dialed the number for the British Museum.

“Hello, this is Quentin Travers. I’d like to speak with your curator—a Mr. Rupert Giles?”

***************

Official Journal of Field Watcher Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
Assignment: Slayer E. A. Summers, Sunnydale, CA, USA
--------------------------------------------------------

May 3, 1999

Buffy’s latest behaviour is simply…intractable. I’ve never met a girl who can be quite so obstinate and mulish. To be quite honest, I’m not sure that the odd demon might not be doing us all a favour when he finally gets to her!

No…I shan’t say that, but I have to admit the thought has crossed my mind.

Just today, she again “blew off” training as, she so quaintly refers to the process of shirking her sacred duty, in favour of shopping for shoes with one of her friends! How can she have such a deficient grasp on how important her role is?

Actually, I don’t need to look far to find the answer to that question, I’m afraid. Just as far as the other side of the table, more often than not.

Mr. Giles has allowed this to happen. Superficially his indulgence of her seems innocent enough. I have to agree that asking her to give up school, friends, and family for the customary arrangement would unquestionably be rather cruel given that she was raised entirely outside of the Council. However, when these things begin to interfere…it simply is not acceptable, and he largely fails to see that. When I pointed out the situation to him, he replied that she needed to be allowed to make mistakes and learn from them, which is all very well and fine, save I’ve not seen much progress in that department, and I’m afraid that her “lessons” may cost lives.

Worse yet is the disrespect. She has plenty of her own, but rather than attempting to rid her of such unproductive attitudes, I’ve come to believe he has fostered it. When she refuses to listen to me and treats my commands as a joke, I often find him smirking and occasionally he will support her outright.

Unfortunately, he seems to be the only one capable of disciplining her. All my own attempts have been belittled and ignored and seem only to make her even more rebellious.

Today I when I chastised her, it practically fell on deaf ears. It wasn’t until he quietly lowered himself enough to say a word in agreement with me that she even mumbled a rather insincere apology.

Quite frankly, I’m in a quandary what to do. It is obvious that my efforts here have been completely unproductive. Simply put, as far as Buffy is concerned, she already has a Watcher and I am simply a silly redundancy, barely even worth casual notice save to mock and belittle.

I find myself tempted to accept Quentin’s offer to have Rupert’s green card permanently revoked and to remove him from the equation, however dramatic that might seem. I do believe that would be the only way I’d be able to make noticeable progress with the girl.

However, I have to admit that I fear what the results of their separation might be. She is fiercely loyal to him, and he even moreso to her. I believe that not only would they fight separation and do everything they could to circumvent it, but that it could actually be detrimental to them and her abilities to perform as the Slayer as well. Certainly it would be quite psychologically painful.

The Bond between them is almost tangible, yet I don’t think even they realize how strong it is. Any outsider can see it by simply observing their interaction with one another—the way they seem to communicate without words. It is small wonder that Quentin was concerned; I have to say there seems to be a very real possibility Mr. Giles could find himself willing to place Buffy’s safety above her duty to the world.

Still, it seems he is the only one who can truly inspire her to perform. There is no doubt that her achievements in the past are amazing…and perhaps will continue to be so; though given her lack of commitment to training, sloppy style, and inattention I’ve yet to figure out how.

Truly, I am at a loss. I cannot be effective until he is gone, but she will not be effective if he is. The original plan to get her to transfer her Bond from him to me is ridiculous. I see that now. She and I are incompatible; she would not want me, and to be honest, I can’t say I could develop that level of trust myself, much less want it with her.

In the end, I can’t help but think that not only am I not wanted here, but also that I’m not needed either. I will, however, fulfill my duty and remain as long as I am asked to, doing my best to impose what order I can. Perhaps I can do her some good, though somehow I’m no longer convinced that I can. She is his and he is hers. I fear I am merely another obstacle they will overcome.

--------------------------------------------------------

Wesley sat back in his chair as he finally put the cap on his pen and closed the journal, satisfied with his entry, though not with the thoughts which continued to buzz around in his head. It was an uncomfortable feeling to imagine that he might be worthless, but given his lack of progress, he was very much afraid that might be the best description.

He knew he should resent Rupert for refusing to relinquish a role that was now rightfully his. Wesley did resent him…but not for that, not anymore. He resented the older man for his insolence, for his success in spite of it, for the way the man treated him, but not for Buffy. He’d fought it at first, but there was no question anymore. Rupert and Buffy were so tightly bound that it wasn’t a choice anymore, and it would take something far more powerful than Wesley—perhaps as powerful as death itself—to change that.

***************

Giles?

It’s March 4th, 2002 according to the calendar on the wall, assuming whoever crosses off the dates is doing it right. I have to look once in a while, or the days blend together and I forget them. There’s not much worth remembering anyway.

Giles, where are you? Well, okay, dumb question. It’s just that I keep finding myself looking for you, and you’re never there…

So how is England anyway? Are you happy there? Do you have some friends and a normal life free of things that go “grr” in the night maybe? Free of a destiny you never wanted and a Slayer who took you for granted?

Well, I can’t blame you…I’d want that too. Except that I do. Blame you, I mean. I know I hurt you. Somehow I always do, but why now? Why, of all the times you could have left, why did you decide to do it when I need you the most?

You were always the anchor in my life. I don’t know if you knew that…but it was true, even when I tried to ignore it and push you away. I always knew that as long as you were there, everything would work out okay, now matter how much it might suck at the time. And my life sucks a lot with the whole destiny crap and all, but I always thought maybe you might understand it just a little. Or a lot, since it made your life suck so much too.

Still, as crappy as it was, it’s a lot crappier now that you’re gone. Without you to hold me down…I’m losing myself, Giles. I wish I could tell you about Willow and Dawn and Doublemeat…everyone just expects me to deal with it all, and one of these days I’m afraid I just won’t be able to anymore. But maybe you’d be able to tell me something to make it better? Maybe we’d laugh? I needed you today. I needed you to make me laugh. But that’s why you left in the first place, isn’t it? Because I couldn’t deal?

And then there’s Spike. What would you say if you knew what I’ve done? If you knew the only way I could make myself feel alive anymore is to make the pain so strong that I forget what it’s like to be dead. Would you just run further? How much further away can you get, anyway?

I call you sometimes, but I always hang up, usually before it even gets to the first ring. It’s a long ways across all those numbers and I’m afraid your voice might not travel that far—or worse yet, that it might and it won’t really be you…the you I remember, the one who would never leave me, no matter how many graves I crawled out of. Where is he? I want to talk to him, even if it’s just for a few minutes. If I call you, will he answer?

--------------------------------------------------------

When Buffy couldn’t stand it anymore and the flow of words onto paper became too much, she grabbed the paper and violently crumpled it up as though she might be able to take the actual feelings behind the words and rid herself of them as easily. For a moment, she held the balled up letter in her fist, cocked and aimed for the garbage can, but at the last minute changed her mind.

Buffy opened the drawer without looking inside it, not wanting to see what it contained…the little bits of him she hadn’t allowed herself to throw away. Roughly, she shoved the letter in the back with all the others he’d never get to read and slammed the draw closed again, before standing up and wiping her eyes with the back of her hand so her sister and friends wouldn’t get to see the tears she hid from the world…the tears she cried for the man who was still so much a part of her life, and who might never be part of it again.

END: 05/05/04